Godly Fathers

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way m husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

This is a passage that I used to counsel and preach at the wedding two weeks ago, but on this Fathers’ day, I think it appropriate that we revisit this passage of scripture to examine the role of Fathers ( who should be necessarily husbands) and what we ought to be doing in the home. Unfortunately, for you, you have an imperfect father and husband trying to preach this message. It is only by the grace of God that I have presently an intact family, for I have made many more mistakes than correct decisions. But that is the nature of the Christian walk; it is more about being aware of what it is we are to do according to the Word, and then by the power of the Holy Spirit, submitting to that and by faith allowing God through the Holy Spirit to work in and through you on behalf of your family.

First to review: The role of the Husband is simple. All we must do is be Jesus Christ to our family. That statement reveals a little sarcasm on my part, but it is possible, or Paul would not suggest it. We are called to self sacrificially love our wives. This is directly related to their submission to us, for if we do the opposite, and oppress our wives and lay down unreasonable demands of submission on her despite our behavior. Our role as Fathers has that major demand. Christ is the head of all. We are responsible to model the headship of Christ in our lives and in our relationship in dying to ourselves and our needs in deference to our wives and ultimately to our family. Our family is responsible for their own actions, regardless of how well we perform our duties as husband and father. But we are accountable, dads, for our family. We will be held accountable for the responsibility that we have as the head of our homes.

The word head here is Kephale, which means master, and lord. In every case of the use of this word, person A is the head of person B. Many have argued that this word means ‘source’, that is that the Husband is the source for the wife as Christ is the source for the church. In no way is the husband the source, either spiritually or physically. He is in charge, just like Christ is in charge of the church. But this should not be interpreted as a dictatorship, for Christ earned that role by His death and resurrection. And He continues that role through gently winning our heart through His role as our advocate with the Father. We as husbands must do the same; we must die to ourselves and provide the spiritual headship of the home through our service to our wives and family. We must win their hearts gently through the demonstration of service to them. Unfortunately, since we are the head of the house, and therefore we as Fathers are responsible for the house. I think about Job as an example of the Fathers’ role.

5 And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually.

Now note: Job was master of his house, and as master, he did not demand respect and lord it over his children. He earned respect by serving his children by offering sacrifices and consecrating them. He would send for them and consecrate them, indicating that he would pray over them. This is a proof of a relationship with them. He was an example to them of a relationship with God and demonstrated for them how they might be forgiven. He did this not because of specific sins, but because they might have sinned. He didn’t wait; rather, he rose early in the morning to make these sacrifices. Job didn’t do this one time, he did it continually. He didn’t demand that his children do it or his wife do it for him; for he recognized that it was his job as keeper and protector and head of his household. He was responsible for the activities that went on in his household, as we husbands and fathers are. And since we are not omnipresent and not omniscient, like God, we will fail to know every last thing that is going on in our kids’ lives. So we must pray for them and consecrate them through our prayers and our righteous example. And note: Job was not relieved when his children were killed that now somehow he was relieved of his responsibility. He loved them very much so he was broken and he was devastated. His service to them as their Father developed a deep and abiding love for them. But he also did not curse God, for he recognized that:

21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
22 In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

God has given us our children as a trust, and indeed as a blessing. Our love and our care for their physical as well as spiritual well being is an act of worship towards God who gave them to us. Our lack of concern and lack of caring would demonstrate the opposite.
The verses that follow in Ephesians 6 give us a picture of the responsibilities of children in the home:

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

1. Children are to obey their parents in the Lord. I know we are talking about Fathers here, but Children’s obedience is due towards both parents. Observe again what Paul says: Christ is the head (of the church, and of the Christian Family) and the Husband, under Christ’s headship is the head of the wife. The wife submits to the Husband as the husband submits to Jesus Christ (this really does all hinge on the husband!!). The Children are to submit themselves to both parents through obedience to them. The Greek word Hupakouo leaves no room like the word head leaves no room for different interpretations. Children are to obey, be obedient to, and hearken to the command of, and to submit to their parents. They are to do this in the Lord, that is, their relationship towards their parents is a direct reflection of their relationship to the Lord. Now that is huge! If a child is rebellious and disobedient, the child is likely not redeemed. In fact, in the Old Testament, disobedience to the parent brought the death penalty. In the New Testament, it is the evidence of the grave sin of those who are in rebellion against God. On the positive end, when a child obeys his Father and his mother in the Lord, it is a spiritual act of Worship to the Lord.

2. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Part of how Children are to honor their parents is being obedient to them. The obedience of children towards their parents is again one of the evidences that they know God. By obeying their parents, they are obeying God, and showing that they love God by keeping his commandments (1 John 5). This is the first and only of the Ten Commandments that comes with a promise. The promise has to do not with long physical life, but a long spiritual life that begins with regeneration, continues in sanctification, and will continue into eternity with glorification. Obeying the laws does not save us, but our obedience to them is evidence that we are saved. It is what we ought to do because we have a new nature.

3. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

These verses in the sixth chapter of Ephesians, however comes directly back to Fathers. This is not to say that wives and children are not responsible for their individual lives and decisions. However, the Christian father really sets the tone in the household. This negative instruction is that we should not Parorgizo- that is we should not rouse our children to wrath, provoke them, exasperate them, make them angry. I think this instruction has to do with the nature of Fathers to be competitive and demanding and holding high expectations for their children. Many fathers are hard drivers as far as their own careers and their passions. Sometimes, they try to live their dreams through their children, and that can exasperate a child who is gifted differently by God. It is also natural for fathers to demand respect and lord it over their children. This tendency can happen even to fathers who are Christians. This is why Paul starts here with a negative, as an encouragement to go a different way. Our goal is to win the heart of our children, and you will never win a heart, or even take a heart by demanding it.

There is a simple balance that we must master as dads. We must bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Dads, we are the priests of our households. As the Lord instructed the children of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:

4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

We are called to diligently teach our children, that is we are to bring them up and disciple them in the ways of the Lord. One of these things is discipline. The discipline of the Lord includes the behavior described here, loving the Lord with all of our being, and doing it all the time, but also teaching it all the time. We as fathers must never quit instructing our children in the ways of the Lord. We are the ones who are responsible for our children’s spiritual lives. We are not to exasperate them, but we are to discipline them. We are not to provoke them, but we are to teach them. We are to do neither of these things to make little copies of us, but to make them look like Jesus Christ. We are to do all these things because of what Jesus Christ has done for us.

If the Father performs his role by the power of the Holy Spirit, it does not guarantee that the children or the wife will respond rightly. But the husband sets the tone and builds the atmosphere by which the children and the wife can have a better chance. Dads are so important. From the view of the father, children build their view of God. What do your children know about God through you? From the view of the Christian family, people form their opinion about the church. What does your family tell the world about Christ and the Church?

There is good news here at the end. Fathers- we all make mistakes. We do not do this perfectly. Tomorrow is a new day! Wives, and kids, I urge you that if Dad realizes that he needs to make changes, and is in the process of doing so, you need to forgive him and support him as he takes his role as the head of the house. Forgive your husband, and your Dad. Submit to him, wives. Do not remind him of past failures. Kids, support dad as he tries to begin new habits. Respect his leadership of the home. All of you in the family has a role to honor your husband and your father. Do it as an act of worship to God and as a testimony to the world.